2.5 Downfall
Wade in the Water
Wade in the Water, children
Wade in the Water
God's gonna trouble the Water

Dunno about God but we certainly trouble the water. We are so wet we simply follow the stream by standing in it and walking. Water is coming down, up and sideways. visibility is about ten feet which means we are short by about four. "We need a ladder" I conjecture. "With wheels" Confirms J.
As we wade toward Kinder downfall and whatever doom awaits us there we espy an even denser wall of water moving rapidly towards us. What could this be? Waterspout? Tornado? Really really bad rain? But no! This one appears to be gibbering to itself. Eldritch incantations darken the air and there is a sound of distant insane gibbering.
A very short stout man in army kit is doubling rapidly towards us, jabbering as he moves. I cannot help but notice he is also apparently smoldering. Continued eldrich gibbering fills the air. Bits of camo tent stick out of a badly packed rucksack.  "ya leffrighleffrighleff Ay lads ladds aye ey up! food wimmin, jam, aye pub, beer aye wimmin food to ya leffrighleff, names Clive food soon! aye!" dopplered past us. We stand gobsmacked. This must be therefore be Clive the snoring tent in full flow! As he departs we give him a standing ovation (a sitting one would have been impossible) "Yay Ay! maties! Bye ladds eaye jam sarnie wimmin beer pub food... to ya leffrigleff righleff".  There is definitely a smell of something burning and a trail of smoke. Possibly the soles of his feet we conjecture....
Clive the Squaddie in full pennine way marching kit
We plod on. Dense mist has now rolled down over Kinder but it is still HOT!. Because its so damp its like being in a sauna but with better lighting (or worse seating?). The rain gradually abates and silence falls, broken only by distant manic gibbering, the sound of running water and the occasional loud splash. There are the distant screams of lost souls. Nothing else seems to move.  Even us.....
The ends of the earth?
Finally we arrive at Kinder downfall. In fact we nearly fall off it in the mist.
We are saved by Clive shouting from on a rock "ey up ladds aye stop there or aye stop or else you'll be off! food! Wimmin! Jamsarnies look! Jaminnit!" He is brandishing what appears to be a loaf of bread hollowed out and filled with jam. J is also a sucker for a jam 'sarnie' and wanders over. "What jam 's that then?" He enquires and then stops and sniffs "You on fire then mate?". Clive grins "I put me pack onna rock an the lightening got it look!" He shows us a huge hole burnt into it. "But the rock wor worse. Its Bramble jam that! best! top yeh?"
Uphill Rain in a moment of brightness
We ponder jam and lightning in the bright blankness. It seems a miracle we didn't get more than inconvenienced. "Doomed" Mutters Mark "Doomed...."