Up early as we have a big day again! Ummmmm thats the theory anyway.
My eyes open and I wish they hadn't. EVERYTHING hurts. My head, My
shoulders, my legs, other peoples legs, my feet...ooooh my feet! The tent looks as
if a giant hand has stirred everything around during the night. It takes a while to
find my watch...stopped! Its light so it must be day. I look out of the tent. There
are four tents on what was, last night, a terminally crowded campsite. Mine. J's,
Mark's and ... yes Clive's. Where have they all gone?
"Hey!" I shout at the other tents "wake up - everyones buggered off Lads?
Cooooeeeee Lads? Errrmm OK! Gentlemen we are required with all urgent speed
"Oi !" I bellow , my voice cracking in a Cleese like way "Wakeee Wakeeeee!!!!!"
J's tent is the nearest, I shout at it some more and there is a noise within
"wrgstrf?" he quips lightly with his face folded up.
"Dunno watch stopped" I try winding said device but nothing will avail - its gone for
good. Bits drop off.....
There is a crashing from J's tent and the intrepid wanderer crawls forth, looking
like the sort of thing you usually find under rocks. He consults a trouser.
"My trousers reckon its Its half past ten! Mark Shift yer asse"
There is a 'boiinnnggg' noise and a fully dressed, clean shaven, highly polished
Mark springs forth to attention. There is really only one slight issue with this
impressive performance - he is still asleep.
"wrgstrf !" he notes, archly, "Wrgtwrgl!!" and falls over.
We attempt to pack up and eat breakfast simutaniously. My turn to cook. More
dodgy bacon and eggs, and for some reason my hands feel as if they have boxing
gloves on. My cooking this morning develops the standard breakfast for the next
An individual serving works as follows :
In a heavily greased cook tin,
place.... 2 rashers of bacon and a tent peg
cook vigorously over a stove until scorched.
Burn fingers and swear.
Take two eggs and eye them suspiciously.
Break eggs into tin and stir into bacon
cook until either :
a) Runny (Mark)
b) Burnt (J)
c) Brownish all over(Me)
Eat quickly before you change your mind
A bloke wanders up kitted to go anywhere including straight up.
"Hi I'm Dunc" he says accurately "I'm looking for a bloke called Clive - he will be
wearing army kit"
We point at the camo tent which is currently in exhale mode hovering 3 inches
above the ground .......Cue Scooby-Doo wibbling noise....
"Ah!" He grins in delight "he won't be up for ages then...Mind if I walk with you
We blokes don't mind at all and we have no doubts, after yesterday, that our
paths will cross with Clive around lunchtime around Clive's lunch. Its a plan.
we all introduce ourselves and decide that now is a good time to set off.